I resolve....

Been quite a while right since my last real post, right? Well, maybe its because there is probably nothing going through my mind as I try to sit down and study for my SPM in less than 7 days from now. So apologies to everyone for my lack of topics.

But somehow my mind tends to wander about my past. How rebellious I was when I was in my lower secondary school life. How ignorant I was for the past 17 years. How complete of a idiot I was and am. Really. When compare to God, I am but an irrelevent bacteria in the whole Universe. Really how insignificant I am.

Then I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I often glorify myself. Ashamed that I often claimed that I am something great and that the world revolves around me. Ashamed that I put my wants in front of the needs of others. Ashamed that I am really a despectible creature ever to walk this earth.

Often we tend to compare ourselves with others to make us feel better. To make us feel superior. Like I am not so bad as that guy over there who is dumber, poorer, who steal and murder. But in actual fact, I now believe that comparing with others is just running away from my own fault. Yeah, nobody is perfect and all that but we as human were created in the image of God. Like a reflection of a vast mountain on the surface of a lake. I can never be exactly like God but I should try to be more like Him which is perfect.

So now, even though New Year is not here untill in the next 2 months, I resolve to be more observant. Well, I can't be perfect overnight, so I'm just going to do that one tiny step at a time. It's not much being observant, but it is a start.

Why observant?

Cheow Lay once said I was sharp because I "noticed" things. But now I realise I "noticed" mostly the wrong things. Like people's mistakes. Money. People's secrets. Gossips.

I don't really care about other people's pain and suffering. I don't go out of my way to make people feel better other than the usual, "Are you OK?". No, actually I don't notice or don't bother to. I don't notice if people is not feeling well or coming down with something. I don't notice if someone is facing some trouble or feeling upset about something. I don't notice when someone is not there anymore. I don't notice if someone did something nice, or spent time doing good. Really, I just don't notice things.

So, I resolve to be observant.

Matt Huang might say I am yapping away like some emo kid. Maybe I am. But I do know what I say is honest. So I guess that's OK.

Anyway, to all the form 5 who will be facing the same disaster as I am next week,

GOOD LUCK!!!