The REAL two weeks after RBS...

It's utterly shameful to admit how far I can fall just after 2 weeks of RBS, and even without the start of college yet. How I seem to find it harder to pray continuosly throughout the day, how I missed out my devotion for 2 days in a row, how I totally left God out of my mind during my birthday celebration yesterday, how I just fail and fail and yet still fail to put my priorities in order and how the fire of passion for God seemed to extinguished so quickly.

And definitely, how I slowly conformed back to the life of hypocricy...

I feel dry and dead. I'm just so so weak and fragile. My will is so shallow. I am truly pathetic.

I have hit rock bottom.

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But I guess when all the water in the well has been used up, the only choice I'm left is this:

Dig deeper.

It's truly amazing. How the Holy Spirit makes me realize these things. How the God of "irony" uses the brokenness in me to draw me closer to Him. From the fall, there'll be the rise. From sin, there'll be redemption. From the sick, there'll be healing. From death, there'll be life. From the feeling of loneliness, there'll be the inclination to be with people more. From natural disaster, there'll be unity among the people to help the victims. From the depression and feelings of unworthiness, there'll be a strong urge to lean on the power of grace and to seek God.

In the end, it's not love for God nor even the want to love God that's important or real to me now. I don't feel that at all.

It's the want of wanting to love God that counts.

And how?

by digging deeper...

"My grace is sufficient for you, and my
power is made perfect in weakness.."

Thank you God, for making me reflect on my life once again. And I doubt it'll be the last. I do still have a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way to go.

GOD Bless!