The real reason to be jolly falala-lalala

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn

Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find

But we never realized a baby born one blessed night

Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason that He gave His life

We were the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts

The giving of ourselves and what that means

On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain

because of love

I finally found the reason for living

It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him

And all that I do every word that I say

I’ll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

We are the reason that He gave His life

We are the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS EVE WITHOUT FORGETTING THE REAL REASON FOR CHRISTMAS!

Sadness of Life...

Imagine you are single-handedly bringing up two young children. Your partner is a drinker. You need the money to get by. So you decided to sign up with maid service agency. Then you're off to a foreign country far away, to work for people you can't communicate well with. Your hopes and dreams for a better life for your children is weighing heavily on you and that gives you the courage and motivation to be willing work hard.

You came into your new employer's home. Life is hard and trying because of the language barrier, so learning to do things are difficult. But you're willing to work hard: whether it is the chores or learning the language because you need the money. You were taught the skills to take care of your employer's handicap child. You actually care for that handicap child. You slowly but surely formed a bond of love with that child. You start to think you're going to make it. Your hope is shining radiantly.

Suddenly, the bom drops. Your medical test fail. You can't work anymore and you were only there for a week. You are going to be sent back home with your hopes and dreams crushed to the ground. You will need to start anew assuming you can get over yourself.

This is what my new maid, Chan Tou is facing right now. Please pray for her to have the courage to continue living life. I couldn't possibly phantom the suffering she will be enduring when she returns home. All I can do now is pray. Well it is the best solution after all. I'm sure God has a better plan for her.

To YKK and Jin (if you ever come across this blog)

Dear Keen King and Loong Jin,

The other day you guys were sharing to us about your religious view as a free thinker. You came up with an outstanding excuse of not adopting any religion. The excuse is paraphrase like this :

"I don't want to believe in any religion. If I do, it means I am claiming that other religions are not true. Hence, indirectly insulting other religions. We live in Malaysia which is a multi-racial country, so all I'm doing by not accepting any religion is actually a good thing since I won't stir up any riot or something. "

I am not an expert in my religion, but I'll try to put it plain and simple logically.

At least we came to an understanding that the universe did not appear out of nothing. See if there was nothing before, there will be nothing today. Logically. The universe has a beginning and an end. So there is a God that created it.

Anyway, back to the topic, avoiding conflict with other religions. Well, fundamentally, the way I see it, you guys are trying to please everyone. Then again, it is still not possible to please everyone. There is only one person in the whole universe we must please : God.

Look at it this way, let's say you will die today, who will join you after death? Who will be there after death? Everyone dies alone. In the end, only the person who created you and the world would be there: God. So if you live your life without knowing who that God is, how can you be sure that God will... well... do whatever He will do to you after death. I, personally believe in heaven and hell. If you don't believe that, look at it this way, how sure are you there isn't?

Yeah, you can go on living your life at it is, doing lots of good deeds on the way. But sometimes, good intentions are not enough. You need to do it right.

Lets picture in this scenario, you need to bake a good apple pie. And you're doing it so that you can serve it to your family or friends or whoever you want to please. So the only way to bake that good apple pie is to do it right. You need to have the recipe, the right quantity, the specific instructions to bake it. You can't just say, "I really want to please that person, so I think with much love, I can do it allright." You get the point. To make a good apple pie, you need to do it right and not only with good intention.

So it really comes down to this, plain and simple. Since we (hopefully) came to an understanding there is a God, there is life after death, and good intentions are not enough, it is time to decide who do you really want to please. God or men?

In the end, it is up to you to find that true God if you chose to please God. No matter what religion. I sincerely hope and pray you will consider Christianity.

With much love and prayer,
Cheow Siang

Hypothesis

I have a theory about relationships, whether friendship or love or enmity (Okay, maybe not enmity). Well, basically the feeling of knowing someone. Like when you feel the closeness between the two parties. Like you don't feel awkward around that person. Or when suddenly the one closes to you feel like the one most alien to you. It really is mind blowing.

They say a true friend is when you can sit together in silence and not feel awkward at all.

But how deep is the relationship before you can consider that person a true friend?

I believe there are several level of relationship in the whole process of getting a true friend.

There is like a few crests and troughs if the whole process of relationship is plotted as a graph.
(Note: trough is the highest point and crest is the lowest point.)

Well, allow me to explain. During the 1st Encounter, we normally view the outer appearance of the person. So we quickly making assumptions and either view the person negatively or positively. So assuming we survive the 1st Encounter and get to know the person better like family background, likes/dislikes, hobbies/interests (yeah basically just get to know the person on the surface), the level of closeness moves up a notch and arrive at the first trough.

Then the relationship normally disintegrate and moves on to the crest or just die off all together. Why? Most common reasons are time, like going on for so long without meeting the person again. Or no common interest. Conversation just die, see? Or maybe even bad impression on the 1st Encounter.

Then if the relationship survive again, the closeness level increases to even a greater magnitude. This is due to when we continue to meet up with the person, and basically share common beliefs and interests. Then slowly, a bond of trust is formed. Then at the top of the 2nd crest, we have already established the fact that you and the person are normal friends. You don't really feel completely awkward or elusive around the person.

Then the level of closeness takes an enormous dip. This is when you discover something totally alien or maybe the person or even you backstabs each other.

What I meant when I say you discover something totally alien is when the relationship really gets personal. REALLY. You start to find out all the things about the person on the personal level. How do I say this? Like you find that the person hates it when you smack their back. Or the type of character that they have that you don't like or vice versa. Or like either of you have an inferiority perspective of each other (Like he/she is greater than you in studies, carreers or popularity). Or like you feel that friend has ditched you to hang out with cooler people.

Backstabbing, you know whats it like, so enought being said.

The possibility of bringing the relationship back is extremely low. The factors that helps bring the relationship back are mainly revolves around you. Will you actually find the guts to forgive them? Or will you have the valor to continuosly love the person unconditionally? This is what a true friend is.

The thing that makes the level of closeness ever escalating is when the relationship becomes mutual. Both share to each other the thoughts and give and take criticism. Both working together for any purpose. Both helping each other in time of need or even when there is no need. That is called being a nuisance but those who are being a nuisance normally cares a lot for you. (Or because they are jealous)

In the end, a relationship that survive all the toils and tribulation is a relationship that is definitely worth fighting for.

I am not a professor but just a 17 year old kid who based this theory on experience. But it is a theory nevertheless. A theory remains a theory in the end unless proven with sufficient evidence. Then it becomes a law.

I hope this doesn't bore you to death and wouldn't blame you if you discontinue reading halfway through. If you read it all the way to the end, then congratulation to you for understanding what goes on in my head a little better.

With great power comes great responsibility...

And with greater responsibility,

the more freedom you lose.

And that's a fact.

I dunno la, my parents keep nagging at me to wear better clothes to go to church. "Sunday Best" so to speak. My mom was like persistantly tried to dissuade me:

Mom: If you were to meet the Sultan, would you go to the palace dressing like that?
Me: No, but thats because that king care for the outward appearance. But my King cares
for whats on the inside.

Obviously knowing she lost, she kept on trying other methods. This time trying a different tact.

Mom: You know in Matthew 22, Jesus told a parable about the wedding feast and the king
who held the wedding feast cast this person out into outer darkness, where there shall
be weeping and gnashing of teeth for not wearing wedding garments. So what do you
think about that?
Me: Obviously, if you truly understand the parable, Jesus was implying on inward
righteousness as wedding garment not physical clothes. Think about this, the wedding
feast is The Kingdom of God, and the people are invited are anyone. So do you really
think is it justified for someone to be kick out of The Kingdom of God if all he did was
not wearing his "Sunday Best" ?

1 Samuel 16:7b

Man looks at the outward appearance,

but the Lord looks at the heart.

So yeah there you go, well then of course as parents normally do when they are being outsmarted by their child, they go and blame me for all the other wrong things like not studying for exams. Hehe. Thank God for today's sermon. Failure is the backdoor of success.

Yeah, I know, I know. Sooner or later I would get greater responsibility and hence I need to set the example by wearing my "Sunday Best". Heh! But I really think that what is in your heart that counts. What do you feel for God. Is it genuine? Is it humble? Is it not to please others by wearing expensive clothes, branded shoes, posh handbags?

So how then do we actually see in a person that he is a true follower of Christ? By his conduct. His attitude. His good works. Mengamalkan nilai amanah. So to speak. That's what really counts.

Like the Pharisees, teachers of the Law... What are they? Hypocrites. Look how they plot and scheme to kill Jesus just to save their face.

Oh, and on the way back from church today, my mom tried to continue persecuting interrogating me and started talking about being a person with responsibilities and its benefits. Telling me about the things you must do in order not to stumble younger believers and stuff like that. I told her that I have no responsibilties currently, I'm not a commitee member of YF, I'm not the regular role model, I'm no mentor, so why should I concern myself with my attire and other stuff. Well, I know a time will come when I have to do these things but the fact is, the time has not come. So I say enjoy the moment when you're still free and unburdened by the ever-so-oppressing thing called responsibility.

Hehe, don't get me wrong. I don't hate my mom for telling me all these stuff. In fact, I enjoy them cause it is an opportunity for me to prove to them that I can think for myself. May sound a bit selfish but hey, that's what I feel. See, arguments are good. After arguing, it sort of gives you a firm grasp of the obvious.

So yeah, argue to the max! It helps increase your brain activity but unfortunately can either break or stregthen relationship. It's a double edge sword so to speak.

Die dulci fruere! (Latin)

Dealing with emotions and other stuff.

Emotions sometimes short-circuit the cool, logical reasoning of the neocortex. Massive emotional overload.

In the past, emotions have been measured in humans by their physical expression, such as blushing, smiling or accelerating heart rate.

Emotions are generated by the limbic system: a collection of structures such as the hippocampus and the amygdala, which lie beneath the cerebral cortex. Emotions are associated with different types of neural impulses. So the only way its to measure nerve impulses of someone experiencing a normal set of daily emotions is by accessing it directly to the brain. But then again, how can you register happiness in someone whose cranium has been opened up?

So it is impossible to be scientifically certain we have emotions. Or the other advance and evolved emotions.

Opposite emotions often come in sequence.

Guilt, the uncomfortable, unsettling feeling you get when you're considering betraying someone's trust. Why has guilt evolved? From constant worrying.

Love, a most manipulative device.

Stress weakens the immune system; high frequency anger put major strain on the heart. In fact, an angry temperament is a better predictor of premature death than all the fashionable culprits like smoking or cholesterol.

***

Games are models of rational interaction. They're full of suprises and paradoxes, certainly: bound to be with the circular reasoning they require. But the truth is not all games are meant for fun.

***

A lie could enhance status even more than a truth, so long as it was sufficiently imaginative. This is extremely true.

***

The trouble with acting is that you're so busy lying and faking and generally fooling everyone-including yourself- that when suddenly the a truth appears in that great mountain of deceit, it's pretty much impossible to see it.



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3 Golden Rules. state 15 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself. The 10 people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 15 weird things/habits and little known facts.. No tag backs.

1 I am shy and you'll think its a lie
2. As you can see from No.1, I started liking poetry.
3. I have autophobia, cyclophobia, athazagoraphobia, apeirophobia aaaand phobophobia.(Go figure)
4. Lazy. (Allow me go into details, I don't study for exams untill the night before.)
5. Enjoy doing nothing and observing the day passing by... Sounds like No. 4...
6. Loves acting.
7. Practically good at sports because of gifted hand-eye coordination.
8. The face that makes people laugh. So as my classmates have told me.
9. Prefer to make quality friends and not quantity.
10. Loves random facts and jokes. Well, basically just randomness.
11. Find joy in the joy of others.
12. Virgin lips. Yeap. My first is still with me.
13. Assimilate well in many cliques. (Nerd, Cool, Wacky, Serious *not so much*, Old, Young,
Cam-Whorers.) The only one type of clique I can't go with flow is Chinapeklalas.
14. A sentimental person at heart.
15. Hmmm... To discribe me guess would take more than 15 points. So ask me yourself la. ^^

Me tag :
Kit Meng
Keen King
Larissa
Well, actually I don't really wanna bother anyone. So this goes out to those who wants share bits and pieces of their life to us.

Sheyihiye lach yom na'im!! (For women)
Sheyihiye lecha yom na'im!! (For men) (Hebrew) See? Jews are so sexist.

Things a Christian must know!!!

You know I've been thinking as usual. And I think there are a lot of believers who have forgotten the total concept of becoming and staying a believer. They give stupid reasons not to go to church, not to sing aloud when worshipping our God, not to bow our heads and close our eyes and pray, not attending corporate prayer meetings held every month. It really saddens my soul every time I see these things happens.

I mean, let me put this straight. I still remember what Anderson thought me last time. About these "rituals" as you call it. Going to church, singing, doing Bible studies and blah blah blah. We (supposedly you are a Christian) do these things because we LOVE God. Not because our parents does it, our friends does it. Because, really, it comes from the heart. Remember, God does not have grandchildren.

He first LOVE you. He made the first move when you have turn away. He gave you salvation from eternal suffering. He took YOUR place on that cross. Don't YOU think He deserve to be loved back? Don't YOU think he is worthy to be placed top priority? Don't YOU think you should at least carry out these "rituals" to show your love for Him?

Remember, we're doing these "rituals" because we LOVE God. We LOVE Him, that's why we're doing it.

Imagine if the Yang di-Pertuan Agong invited you to the Palace for a cup of tea. Heh! You'll probably be bending head over heels just to greet him.

Imagine when you sin again. How do you think Jesus will feel if you were in His shoes? Like you gave your life for someone. And that someone just spit at you in the face afterwards. It's like nailing Jesus to the cross all over again.

See? We are all really despickable creatures. But I am making that change. How bout you? Will you attend church services and not sleep during the sermons? Will you sing wholeheartedly when it comes to worshipping our Lord? Will you help out in any work that requires physical strength and not care about whether others will do the same? Will you be humble when someone points out your mistakes? Will you attend corporate prayer meetings monthly?

The reason why I am pointing these things out is because when I attended corporate prayer meeting last Sunday, there were only around 50 people present? I mean, what happen? Yeah Sunday School. So what? Not all of us are involve with Sunday School. Especially the young people. Even the children attends corporate prayer meetings. I pray with every fibre in my body that your eyes would be open one day.

Corporate prayer IS IMPORTANT.
Click here if you need to know why. http://www.gotquestions.org/corporate-prayer.html
The late Mr. Boler himself emphasize on these meetings. I am indeed shameful that I didn't attend these meetings before the corporate prayer meetings were change to Sundays.

So yeah. Oh and for those free thinkers out there who think this post is worth crap, here's a little something for you.

I would rather live my life as if there is a

God and die to find out there isn't, than live

my life as if there isn't and die to find out

there is.

-Albert Camus-

आपका दिन अच्छा बीते! (Hindi)

Whirlwinds of thoughts... Carefull now, won't want you to be blown away....

"Will you tell me how he died?"

"No Your Honour, I will tell you how he'd lived."

I guess it does not matter how long we live, but how much life we live in our lifetime. It also depends what we live for. Most people say for ourselves laaa! But I totally agree with Albert Einstein when he says, "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."

***

Change. People are afraid of it. They fear it. They loathe it. Most of them put it this way, "You ruin my life!!!!!" They are afraid because what they came to believe and accustomed to is going to change. They gotten so use to the fact that something will be always there for them. Like laws, relationships, environment, house, beliefs and loved ones. These things always seem like one certainty. The constant variable. The comfort zone.

Guess the only comfort we can get is : "If there's no changes, There'll be no butterflies." (You get the point...)

***

Stars. Makes you wonder whether is there more to life, doesn't it? Then when you wonder about that, you'll find that you won't be afraid of death. But afraid of time left before you die. Because after death, there'll be no pain. Nothing to worry about. End of suffering. What you build here you leave it here. Whereas time left, you never know when you're about to leave this world. You wanna do the Things-To-Do-Before-You-Die list. People you have not forgiven. People you have not help. People you have not told them how much you love them.

***

Beauty. Some people show it to the world so to have the world praise them.
But some hide their beauty because they want the world to see something else.

***

I guess no matter how stubborn, tenaciously unwilling, obstinate a person is, they will change when they meet someone who has a genuine, pure, innocent, loving and forever caring attitude. Watch all those sentimental movies and it is proven. In real life too.

***

I just finish reading Taming the Tiger....again and I think I should put down those intresting stories that Tony told the prisonners just to make his point clear. (Since most of you are too lazy to read)

This is the part where Tony is trying to put it clear how great the love of God is when he sent his son into the world to die for us and cancel the debt of sin for us.

"There were two boys who grew up together as best friends. As the years went by they went their separate ways. One had a good career and became a judge. The other fell on hard times, got mixed up with the wrong company and became a thief. One day the judge realised the man standing in the dock in front of him was none other than his old childhood friend who he had loved dearly. He had an awful dilemma. As a judge, he was bound to uphold the law. He knew that he had to serve the thief with a large fine. He also knew that his friend could not pay. If he didn't pay, he would be condemned to prison."

"Well, the judge passed sentence, as he was bound to. But then he stood down and took off his judge's wig and his gound. To the utter amazement of everyone else in the courtrooom he joined his old friend in the dock, took out his chequebook and paid the fine on behalf of the man he loved. His friend was free to go. No fine, no prison sentence, no debt at all."

Now, the judge represents God. So when he step down and took off his wig to pay the debt, he was Jesus. This is because as a judge, He was not only bound to the law, He was the law. And at that time, when Jesus came to pay off the debt is not with money but with his life. For you and for me.

Another interesting story that Tony told was when a Convict ask him how can bad things happen if there was a God.

"There was once a shipwreck, with just one survivor. He made it to a desert island, but when he got there he realised what a desperate situation he was in. He prayed feverishly to God, but nothing happened."

"So all he could do was build a hut to protect himself from the elements. One day he returned to the hut after scavenging for food, only to find that the hut was on fire. The midday sun had set it alight and he watched as his last hoe went up in smoke. He was angry. 'How can God allow such a thing?' he cried. That night he lay under a tree, scared and cold. In the morning he was woken up by rescuers. 'How did you find me?' he asked them in amazement. 'We saw your smoke signals,' they said."

So sometimes, God's love can feel like hatred. We don't always understand why he allows certain things to happen in our lives. So yeah, eventually, it is for the greater good. But what happen to most people is that they forgotten who help them out in the end.

***

Finish what you started. Why you might asked. Because you can. Being happy does not make your life perfect. Going through it is really all we can ask for.

***

I really think that sometimes, blind faith is what we really need. It takes much greater strength and commitment to believe in Jesus when we have not experienced him first hand. Like what Jesus said to Thomas and the rest of the disciples, "Blessed are those who did not see, and yet believed."

So kudos to you who have taken the step of commitment!

***

"It is better for man to lose hope in humanity than to lose hope in happy endings."

Hafðu það gott!! (Icelandic)
Now I that I have finish spewing out these thoughts, I shall now go and curl myself up in a ball and wait for the hour to end. Then maybe when the madness is over, I can hit overdrive into study mode.

Suck On This, Vin Cheong!!!

Praying for "safe" journey.

The first casualty.

The second...

Nah, his buttocks is too smooth.

Ah~ the thrill!
I hope this serve as enough proof to you, you...you Unbeliever!

For those who don't know, this is the supercool waterfall I went to during PJGH Boys Outing.
We had to track to the waterfall area for around an hour? Well, it was all good fun. The leeches that suck us dry was a bonus. Then we went back to the church and threw the pigskin for over 2 hours.

Anyway, last night farewell dinner was lovely. The nasi lemak was oh-soooo gooood. With the wild boar rendang and chicken curry. Not to mention the juicy satays and the delicious chocolate cake. The food was just the bonus really.

The real deal was all the political talk and "other" stuff. I find it quite rewarding to keep your mouth shut once in a while and absorb information from other people. Mr. Bala is such an interesting person. Haha, I've learn how the muslims read the Al-Quran. The only thought they can have on their mind while reading it is of reverence and awe and nothing else! (otherwise all the blessings won't be given to them or something like that) Seems to be telling us something.... Hmmm... Other than that, there was talk here and there about May 13, 1969.

Today, Madam Premila (my Sejarah Teacher) asked us to write about our country. The aim supposedly is to plant us some feeling of patriotism.

Well, of course I love Malaysia. I love the people. I love the food. ( Did you know you can't find roti canai in India? Because roti canai originated from Malaysia. The same goes with Bah Kut Teh) I love the all the holidays. I love that we have no war and that we don't face any geographical hazards like tornadoes, earthquakes or snow storm.

So why are so many people migrating out? The main cause of this is because of the corruption of the government. So, we can't blame them for thinking so.

Or we can.

If you think of it this way: If all the intellectual people are migrating off, then who are left behind to bring up this country? The phrase " this country's going to the dogs". Well, so it IS the fault of those people who have resolved to migrate and leave it "to the dogs".

So why are we exporting all the highly skilled people off and importing all the unskilled labour (Bangladeshi) here? Look at Singapore Airlines, one of the world class airlines! Guess who's running it? A Malaysian! Look at Zang Toi? Jimmy Chiew? Yong Pung How (Chief Justice of S'pore though he ended the term already)? Robert Kuok?

Why oh why is it becoming like this?

Haih~ I'm depressing myself now. Ehehe. Maybe Anwar can bring a change. Sadly all the political parties exist just to bring down UMNO initially. After that? Obviously they have plans of their own. Look at the almost-cancellation of Avril Laveign concert.

Oh well, another two cents into the blog.

良い一日に!! (Japanese)

Madness Is Like Gravity. All It Takes Is A Little Push!

Yeah school starts in like whaaaaat??? 2 hours? Haha and here I am blogging. Yay! I finish my chem homework. Still have BM and Bio aaaaand English? Heh! Laughing at the face of death.

You can't avoid it might as well embrace it? Just like saying if all the non-christians are all predestined to go to heaven or hell, whats the point of reaching out to them?

I beg to differ. (Haha this is the nerdy way of saying "what you've just said was BUUUUULLL SHIIIIIIAAAAAT!!!") This is sort of the wrong mentality that most people face. We are all predestined for either greatness or failure, just kick back and relax and let destiny takes us for a ride?

Pfft! Well, something is just wrong here somehow. Come on, ever occur to you that you could be predestined for greatness only if you predestinely work hard for it? Or like you were predestined to reach out for that predestined someone in need?

I guess God works in mysterious ways. Who are we to tell God what to do?

Isaiah 55:9

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Yeah, you can ask and sort of negotiate with God. Like Abraham and Hannah. But it comes down to this: He knows what's best for you. So why not trust in Him?

I think I'll probably drop dead at the school gates. Ooooo and here's my tie, my bag, a shoe and a pencil. Now I'm ready!

Hmm.... as you've probably guess. I have not slept since Saturday. Hehe.
Those thoughts just keeps rolling in like thunder clouds on high wind. Eh? What is high wind? Ugh...my cerebral cortex seems to be spinning. Bah!

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.
According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction.
Women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men are.
The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9 m).
Lightning never strikes the same place twice? The Empire State Building is struck about 25 times a year. Actually lightning strikes the earth about 2000 times per second! Do the math!

I feel like singing.

I feel like talking to that special someone.

I feel like my eyes are ready to pop out.

I feel so random.

I feel like banging my head on the table now. Brrrrrrr......R...RRR...RRRROOOOOARRR!!!!
Yes, I better stop typing now as my shell of sanity is cracking.

Bonne journée !!! (French)

The Higher You Fly, The Harder You Fall (so to speak..)

Going out for dinner at Ming Tien with Cheow Lay and David was cool ( Eventhough it was CLEARLY expensive). Did any of you peeps reading this knew that gereja and sekolah were originally Portugeese words? Kinda makes perfect sense because the Portugeese are after all the first western invasion in Malaysia. Which is saying something.... Like Allah, the Islams here claims that only they can use it since it is "their" word. Basically the word Allah means God. But in actual fact, Allah was already used among the Jews before Islam was even born. So why oh why are the people who ban non-muslims to use the word so narrow minded?

http://www2.dw-world.de/southasia/SoutheastAsia/1.233666.1.html

Haha, I'm getting a bit racist now. At least I'm a logical racist.

Quite often now I get this feeling that I'm empty. No idea. Or maybe is this feeling that I may say something stupid and unthinkable like what Anderson once told me," This is my theory, I think you are undergoing this phase where you are afraid you will say something and embarass yourself."

Or maybe is love or being loved? I have no idea. I probably sound like a small child on a crush. Too bad, that's how i feel. I sometimes also feel that I want to be generous, but no one will let the chance for me to do so? Yeah. Sometimes I get the feeling that I don't really know my true self anymore.

Yeah this is getting a bit emo... On the brighter side of life, today YF was great eventhough it was quite empty. What the Bible class taught me today was more about immoral sex and incest. That is what Genesis 19 is all about. But behind that, there is a lesson. Ask me about it and I'll tell you (if I don't forget it). The OA youths were quite enthusiastic today and seem to be enjoying themselves.

Sadly my brother and David is going off tomorrow (or is it today?) early in the morning. But I felt extremely proud of myself and God for nurturing and bringing me up when David said that I'll definately grow up to be a fine young man. Haha I guess being logical and full of common sense and a touch of great personallity has its ups. Well, in actual fact I was just doing what any good Christian would do.

I also must often remind myself that God hates pride. Yes, I think by just admitting that I was arrogant is the first step towards humility.

Oh yeah, I finally found one of my favorite verse in the Bible that can be served as a great motto to those who interact with people daily:

Matthew 10:16 (New International Version)

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Some say that religion are excuses people used to find refuge from reality, I don't believe that. To me, God is real and is around throughout eternity. So I agree with what someone told me somewhere before, "A free thinker is a no thinker." Those people don't believe in God because they don't understand him and can't accept the fact of not understanding something. They like to place boundaries around everything. Like you can do this, you can't do that. They just enjoy being in control over their lives. Like they will believe after The First World War there wouldn't be another World War or Titanic won't sink (and we all know what happen to that ship, don't we?) See, people feel comforted when there is a plan. They rather believe lies and fake promisses that there is no God.

So then when will we accept the fact we ARE not control over anything?

I have no idea why I have been thinking so much lately.... It's like Form 5 and things are not the same vague dream I deluded myself for the past 16+ years.

But in the end, it is really simple and the bottom line is that we all have choices to make. So why not take a chance at making the right choices today? After all the choices you make, makes you. Yeah it may be a pain in the arse and people might hate you for it, but the end results are rewarding. Yeah, so why not take a chance to fly? Even if you fall, you will have no regrets of flying.

Quote Batman Begins:

"Why do fall down? So we can pick oursleves up again."

Cheerio!

The life in a nutshell so far (Emphasize on the nut)

I think the holidays will be a great chance to catch up on my studies, considering the fact that I hardly touch the book for the whole year when I CLEARLY should be since it IS SPM year. Oh yeah, I also unfortunately gotten chosen for NS, hopefully I'll be in the first batch and I'll be located to Sabah or Sarawak (not as in I want to get away from everything but I heard the training centres there are great). I heard that in all families, at least one child has to be chosen for NS. So heads up all the "only child" peeps.

Apart from that, I always thought acting would be a cool career. Haha. So maybe next year I could like join KLPAC or something. Of course I must also get some degree in case acting don't work out so well for me. Oh yeah, my sejarah teacher, Mdm Premila said I should be a cartoon character. Also an option. Last night, I had an intelligent conversation with David, my 2nd elderst brother...friend at a family dinner. Well at least he's the only sensible person there that night. He thought the same of me too. HAHAHA. Basically we talk about life and quotes such as, " Patriotisme is the last refuge for the scoundrels."

Then again may the will of God be done.

So back to the subject. Life. I always for some reason am always happy when people are smiling or satisfy with something. So I guess I am pretty selfless actually. Reminds me of yesterday when I, Stephanie and Kingo were doing a presentation on Konserto Terakhir "Identiti sebenar Hilmi terbongkar" What strikes out to me the most is that Pak Karim was willing to take care of Datuk Johari's long lost kampung son in secrecy to avoid spoilling the image and hapiness of Datuk Johari and his current family. Well most of you won't understand unless you're in form 5.

Also I think all humans should not take life for granted. If you think your life sucks and all the sh*t thats happening around you, think again cuz there is always someone out there who is more unfortunate than you. My advice is to always to enjoy the moment and cling on to God in everything. Going to God should be your first resource not your last resort.

I think I wanna read Twilight series soon. Then again I wanna read it after the movie and of course after the major exam.

I guess in life there are no certainties, only death, taxes and food. Anything could happen and smacked you right in the face. So basically what I'm trying to say is it is never too early to plan for the future.

Cheers!