They say your social life begins when you have a car...

Hah~ I still find myself lifeless. Aimless. Hypocritical. Two-faced. One even wanders why am I still doing these things, choir, 6 who died, etc. I guess it became a habit. Something that is deep in me, part of me, intertwined with the very core of my humanity.

Or... maybe, just maybe... I never really left. Or rather, I did but somehow unexpectantly and subconciously I start pushing myself back. Or maybe it is the other way around; someone pulling me back.

Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?

The questions, the messages, the songs...

Or maybe I'm speculating too much. Maybe I'm still trying to put myself at the center of the universe.







But I still hold on to that faint speck of hope; that He still cares for me.

The Love of God

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;

To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky

This stanza that we sang so often was originally found scribbled on the wall of a patients room in a mental asylum. Frederick M. Lehman then added the first 2 stanzas to make the song whole. The love of God holds no boundary to anyone. This child of God who scribbled this verse has understood perfectly how uncomprehensively vast the love of God is.

So how bout you? It is Passion Week. Thought about God's love lately?

If haven't, better start now then. =)

God Bless!

Program Khidmat Negara

As some of you might have heard, I was selected to attend National Service. Honestly speaking, I don't really mind going or not going.

Pros: I get to go and learn skills, get to be independent, get allowance, get experience, and get to be buff? :P

Cons: Small percentage I won't make it out there alive. Small but it's there. Let's look at statistics.

21 deaths out of 360,000 kids is 0.0583% of all participants dying since 2004. Sounds not too bad right? But then just be reminded that Malaysia National Service do not undergo actual ammunition-weapons training. After all, all the trainees will be firing blanks and probably only 2 times in 3 months. Where else, Singapores' National Service undergo actual combat training and still manages far fewer deaths than Malaysian's .

But hey, you know that I always look at the pros. :D Mr. Brightside, that's me.

So yeah. I don't mind.


But then there is Residential Bible School (RBS). I really want to go to RBS but it will be held during my period for National Service (I'm in first batch). Some of you might be thinking that I want to use this as an excuse because I'm afraid of going to NS. The truth is, I'm am afraid of not attending RBS.

Reasons why I want to go is : I feel as if school and modern day distraction really is a big gigantic barrier for advancing in my walk of faith. Yes, I know it should not be and all that, but I am weak so I need an extra hand to help me. RBS to me is like that extra hand. I feel that I need to set a point somewhere to really get to know God, the Bible and everything else.

I dunno. I guess my point of view will change after I attend RBS. For the better, definitely.

So it seems like I'm in a dilemma. For country or for God? I think there are enough people joining NS as it is already. I think I read somewhere there will be 140,000 trainees this year. Last time there were only 100,000?

I'm planning to postpone my NS but then I don't think I'll be able to attend it at all ( with all my tertiary education). So too bad lor. Hopefully I can manage to postpone though. Please pray for me if you are willing. Thanks to Anderson and the RBS administration for preparing the letter to defer from NS. Extremely grateful.

Last but never the least, May God's will be done.