Survival's my thing....

Today, I think I survived throughout the whole day despite the "unsexy" headache I was rewarded after 4 and a half hours of Additional Maths. Worse thing is, I had to memorized all my nilai-nilai moral during the one and half hour lunch break. And thanks to THE GENIOUS OF A WHYE SHON, I achieve only in memorising the nilai alone and not the keywords and definisi.

Yeah maybe I am blaming others for my incompetence(Yeah, I could actually started memorizing the nilais long time ago but you know me, unique and all that.) but look at this way and justify me.

Jon Wee and Co. (Whye Shon, PenYu, Keen King and Yang Yang) decided unanimously to go McDonalds in The Mall via LRT. We only had 1 and a half hour. Upon arriving at the platform of the LRT, the GENIOUS of the Whye Shon realised that he left his IC inside the Log Book in the SPM hall. Wonderful ain't it? I was like banging my head against the billboard advertisement. This means that the idea of McDonalds evaporated and RM10 wasted on the LRT ticket.

Aaaaand it also means we had to go all the way back to the exam hall and checked all the log books for his IC (the good friends we are). Which eventually means that we wasted 30 minutes and only left less than an hour left.

And you know what he said after that? Let's go McDonald now. =.=

Well, shortly afterwards, I and Yang Yang were forced to tagged along to mamak. Which means more walking and less memorizing. Weeeeeee~

Well, if you want to be optimistic then I guess the food helped abate some of my headache.

Moral was horrible. Came in late and sweaty from running back from the mamak with half of my nilai-nilai forgotten. Then headache and daydreams consumed most of the 2 and a half hour of Moral paper. When I looked up, I saw that I only had 15 minutes to finish 2 essays...

Many people wonders why do I left all my studying to last minute. Many people even wonders why I don't try hard for my school exams. The honest answer is that I'm lazy. The lie and proud one is that I want to prove I can score in SPM without the help of teachers and school. Yes, guess the wondering people are sticking pins and needles into my voodoo doll.

Ohh and I receive this sexist email, but some of it is quite true. (I think)

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from some hotel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Living to up to....

This time, I am choosing to write things that really is rather bothersome and supposedly not worth mentioning. But I am sort of trying to be sensitive to the littlest things that bother me and hence sub-consciously controls my actions and that also indirectly personifies me.

The thing is, there are these unwritten laws of expectation people expect out of you. People, most of the time, unintentionally make you feel like you need to live up to their expectations. People indirectly wants you to become something of the norm, a constant variable, a control experiment. Or actually it is just me that feels this way and somehow what people say just makes me feel obliged to do the expected.

Examples:

• When people wish you all the best in exams, the invisible contract of expectation of getting high marks is written. You would want to do well, so you won't let them down.
• People expect you to be strong, to be smart, to never break down.
• When you're young, people expect you to shut up and listen.
• When you're old, people expect you to be a role model.
• People expect you to never complain about life.
• When there are people around you, you are expected to never be yourself. Not to show true emotions. Keep smiling.
• You're expected to be responsible.
• People will expect you to stand up for the weak, the oppressed and those that are worse than you.
• People expect you to teach, guide, lead the least.
• When trials and insults come, you're expected to keep a cool head and not EXPLODE.
• When there is problem, you're expected to do something about it.
• When someone ask you for help, you're expected to say yes.
• Especially when you're supposedly a Christian, the expectation is higher, much higher.
• Heck! You're expected not even to say these things mentioned above.

So in reality, we or at least I am sub-consciously living to opinion. I think this is the reason for my split personalities. And yes, I am a hypocrite. Now I realise finally it. Now I experienced epiphany. Now I finally grasp the reality and truth. So now I will try my utmost best to do the expected things on MY OWN PREROGATIVE and not because people expect me to do so.

(Though probably it's too late for SPM)

So yeah, I guess this is also sort of another resolution.

I resolve to do the expected with my free will, volition, inclination, intention or whatever you call it.

Why do I want to do the expected? Well, actually because most of the expected things are good things. The rest I can simply just don't do . Such as being someone I'm not.

Took me a while to realise this. So, sorry.

I have recover from my headache, I shall go and try to memorise some nilai moral now.

Call me gay but I WANT to read Twilight series...

Maths was retardedly easy and I can guess the reason. For those rural, unurbanized people to get a credit for Maths. But I personally think that lowering the standard of maths is just hiding the fact that we are weak in it. I'm not sure about westerner's maths though.

Today the great me managed to convince, persuade, enticed, tempt my mom into watching Madagascar 2. Meh~ die farny i tell you. Went to MV straight after school in school uniform. I will miss being a student. Can't get RM7 student fare anymore when go see movie... T.T

Oh, then I went to MPH and (eventhough I resisted and restrained myself to the maximun) read Twilight. Too bad I only spend half an hour there. One thing I can honestly say is: I hate Isabella Swan. Really. Honestly. Despised her. The way she don't even try remembering people's name. The way she don't hold much respect for her father. The way she makes herself invisible so that she can feel lonely and be more depressed. The way she hold so little hope in the future. The way she goes all out to be anti-social. The way she secretly keep glancing at Edward Cullen, deciding whether she hates him or likes him. The way she always feels paranoid beyond reason. The way she remind myself of me. Well, that is just first 50 pages conclusion of her. Yeah she has problems, but so do the rest of the world.

But the style of writing seems quite familiar. Hmm... The description. The way the author uses italic words like him. A good author nevertheless as she sparks the emotions, imagination and depression in me. That is why I want to read. Can't wait till SPM is over.

So plan for tomorrow is Bible Knowledge, Bible Knowledge, Bible Knowledge, Bible Knowledge, Bible Knowledge, Bible Knowledge and more Bible Knowledge.

QUACK!!!!

3 down 8 more to go!

In the past three days, I've been awake for about 65 hours. Even the remaining 7 hours of "sleep" torments my brain with images of sejarah facts. Maybe I should be thankful. But unfortunately, the sejarah paper was filled with common sense questions (eg: Apakah pencapain Malaysia yang boleh menjadi kebanggaan generasi muda hari ini?). I said unfortunately because my brain was too lethargic to think about lies and vague facts of the "Achievements of Malaysia". I mean I knew 80% of my sejarah facts super accurately and can answer the factual questions but I just can't think about the common sense stuff. Yes I think I screwed it up pretty much.

Well, I guess I reaped what I show. I knew the risk of relying all my hope of acing Sejarah on the paper and my so called "Smart studying". Its like trying to slay a dragon with a branch rumored to be the dragon's weakness. Obviously we don't know the credibility of this rumour. Well, it was not completely futile, 2 out of the 4 questions were predicted correctly for Bahagian A and 2 and 3/4 of question of the esei part came out too. So maybe there is still hope of slaying my dragon, or at least escaping from it.

(BONUS: for those in form 4 this year! THE THREE KERAJAAN ISLAM QUESTIONS DIDN'T COME OUT! So next year SPM, 99.9999999999999999% will come out!)

I think the marker of my English essay will minus mark for choosing Bad for the question of Examination- Good or Bad? Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But there is a possibility because I rebuked the education system pretty bad.

Now I'm off to recover my previous state of mind and filtering out all my sejarah facts through sleep before doing some major cramming of Bible Knowledge and MORAL!!!!! RAWR!!!!!

God's will be done.

First day of SPM

Woke up feeling grouchy as I only had 3 hours of "sleep" the night before. My brain was too used to going fast untill it doesn't know when to stop and rest. Everything was out of order. Especially my brain which was in a state of chaos (I'll explain later...). Bathe in cold water, forget to bring my water bottle, forget to wear my belt and need to pay RM 10 for a new one that barely fits me. Not really the way you want to start of your exam.

But then, I kept on walking staggering forward to my class to put my bag and to memorise a few peribahasa to use for my Karangan as BM was my first paper.

Entering the exam hall made my brain hit overdrive. It's like my brain is going beyond the speed of human realms and my body is too tired to catch what it's trying to say. MASSIVE DISASTER. I did manage to catch a few random things chucked out from my brain. But they're mostly useless and unhelpful when the exam was about to start in 5 mins. Like, "WOW! I'm finally here!" or " Dang! I forgot my water bottle!" or even "It's the last leg of the race!" and of course "SHIT! I forgot the peribahasa I just memorised!"

I was a nervous wreck despite all the good luck wishes from my friends. I sat down, took out my exam slip and IC (Thank GOD I didn't forget those). And try to calm my brain down. But failed miserably. I look to my left and saw Rebbecca, she smiled and gestured for me to pray hard. (You know those random things people do before exam like gesturing people to tembak well or something). But pray I did, I went like,

"Dear God, I commit this paper into your hands.

But I know I should have committed it more and I'm sorry.

But for now, I'll do my best so please help me to calm down. Amen."

If you're expecting a miraculous response from God to me like suddenly my eyes were open and answers flow from the tip of my pen, no. Your expectation is too high.

I guess my actions have consequences and consequences are God's way of disciplining people. That was I believe.

So the paper started and I flipped over the front page and the first thing that came to my mind apart from the gazillion other stuff is : " WHOA! Its in coloured ink!" Then I was like inspecting the picture for 15 minutes coming out with nothing except found out that the pipe were covered in green grass and there was a tire in the river. The tajuk was :" Punca-punca Pencemaran Sungai. " Just FYI.

Eventually I calmed down or actually woke up after 15 minutes (YAY! Redemption from God!) and completed my paper in good time.

Then when it was break, had some food and was "studying" for my Sejarah paper 1. I put the inverted commas cuz my "fans" kept coming over to wish me good luck. Yes, it seems I have "fans". Nerve wrecking a bit actually.

Well, I got through Sejarah too! I actually knew half of the answers! Yipee! Jason Lim says I'm a type of person who gets 5 A's for SPM and will start praising God like nobody's business unlike Cassandra. Maybe he's right.

Then we had an hour and a half lunch break. And we so called "study" again by spending our time playing UNO (I won twice!), looking at girls playing captain ball and discussing who should Jun Yu take to prom. "P or T?" were his exacts repetitive words.

Well, I managed to get through the rest of the day and it's all due to the grace of God.

And THATS my first day of SPM.

PS: My mom install a new water shower head thingy was is awesome. It has this mode where the water spray out in the from of water vapour. It felt like wind!

PSS: Oh and thanks Jing Tao for doing the address book thing, when I first receive it, I thought it was for Add maths!

Me? Unprepared? Massive understatement.

SPM is in 4 days time! Time seems to quicken its pace. The sheer amount of facts from my syllables petrifies me. Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Moral, Sejarah, Bible Knowledge. These are the core subjects which is the source of the never ending pain in the ****. Sure its not that hard, but for people like me who hardly pays attention in class?

DOOM!

(oh and I have memories not even 1 nilai moral, that's how deep of the pit I'm in.)

That is what happen when your a master at procrastination. Grrr. Now all I have to rely on is memory and to study smartly. Study smartly as in study those things that haven't come out yet and neglect the rest that came out recently. Yeah. Its a extremely risky manoeuver, but what choice do I have when time is of the essence?

Time is not a luxury to me anymore. Aaaand yet, I'm on the computer. :D Wonderful, ain't I?

Oh, and I think smart people can be quite stupid too.
Allow me to demonstrate by telling you this joke:

****

A genius of a lawyer walks into a crowded room.

He then said to the people present, "I challenge anyone who thinks they are smart to a quiz showdown. When I ask a question and if you can't answer, you'll have to pay me 1 dollar. If I can't answer your question when it your turn, I'll pay you 50 dollars."

The room went silent. Suddenly an old man stood up and replied, " OK, I'll take you on."

The lawyer momentary stunned said, " Fine, I'll ask first. What is the exact distance from the earth to the Sun?"

The old man thought for awhile and said, "I don't know. You win. Here's 1 dollar. Now's my turn, what goes up with 3 legs and comes back with 1?"

The lawyer then retreated to the deepest sanctuary of his mind, investigating the question from every angle, calculated the exact number of words, dissecting the question word by word, thought of all the riddles he knew, thinking of any connections between legs and 1.

Finally, in great frustration, the lawyer admits, " I don't know. You win." and he handed over 50 dollars to the old man.

The old man pocketed the money and sat down. The lawyer then ask, " Hey, whats the answer to your question?"

Without a word, the old man stood up and handed the lawyer 1 dollar.

****

(Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against lawyers. =D)

και έχουν μια ωραία μέρα !!! (Greek)

PS: I would appreciate any advise and tips to study.

I resolve....

Been quite a while right since my last real post, right? Well, maybe its because there is probably nothing going through my mind as I try to sit down and study for my SPM in less than 7 days from now. So apologies to everyone for my lack of topics.

But somehow my mind tends to wander about my past. How rebellious I was when I was in my lower secondary school life. How ignorant I was for the past 17 years. How complete of a idiot I was and am. Really. When compare to God, I am but an irrelevent bacteria in the whole Universe. Really how insignificant I am.

Then I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I often glorify myself. Ashamed that I often claimed that I am something great and that the world revolves around me. Ashamed that I put my wants in front of the needs of others. Ashamed that I am really a despectible creature ever to walk this earth.

Often we tend to compare ourselves with others to make us feel better. To make us feel superior. Like I am not so bad as that guy over there who is dumber, poorer, who steal and murder. But in actual fact, I now believe that comparing with others is just running away from my own fault. Yeah, nobody is perfect and all that but we as human were created in the image of God. Like a reflection of a vast mountain on the surface of a lake. I can never be exactly like God but I should try to be more like Him which is perfect.

So now, even though New Year is not here untill in the next 2 months, I resolve to be more observant. Well, I can't be perfect overnight, so I'm just going to do that one tiny step at a time. It's not much being observant, but it is a start.

Why observant?

Cheow Lay once said I was sharp because I "noticed" things. But now I realise I "noticed" mostly the wrong things. Like people's mistakes. Money. People's secrets. Gossips.

I don't really care about other people's pain and suffering. I don't go out of my way to make people feel better other than the usual, "Are you OK?". No, actually I don't notice or don't bother to. I don't notice if people is not feeling well or coming down with something. I don't notice if someone is facing some trouble or feeling upset about something. I don't notice when someone is not there anymore. I don't notice if someone did something nice, or spent time doing good. Really, I just don't notice things.

So, I resolve to be observant.

Matt Huang might say I am yapping away like some emo kid. Maybe I am. But I do know what I say is honest. So I guess that's OK.

Anyway, to all the form 5 who will be facing the same disaster as I am next week,

GOOD LUCK!!!