Sunday, September 13

They say your social life begins when you have a car...

Hah~ I still find myself lifeless. Aimless. Hypocritical. Two-faced. One even wanders why am I still doing these things, choir, 6 who died, etc. I guess it became a habit. Something that is deep in me, part of me, intertwined with the very core of my humanity.

Or... maybe, just maybe... I never really left. Or rather, I did but somehow unexpectantly and subconciously I start pushing myself back. Or maybe it is the other way around; someone pulling me back.

Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?


The questions, the messages, the songs...


Or maybe I'm speculating too much. Maybe I'm still trying to put myself at the center of the universe.







But I still hold on to that faint speck of hope; that He still cares for me.

2 comments:

anderson selvasegaram said...

From Romans 7:14-25 (The Message)

I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

anderson selvasegaram said...

Many struggle to live a victorious life. Even Paul had his struggles.

Go on to read Romans 8. The title given by The Message is -

The Solution Is Life on God's Terms

I Love You Especially